Thursday, April 27, 2006

Park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

It is with deep regret that I must inform my loyal readers that there will be no Catheter Man NFL Draft Day Spectacular this year. I will be attending a wedding in the upstate region this weekend and will be unable to devote any time to a quality post. Hopefully I will be able to return to my duties next year. Here's to hoping the Colts get Maroney (for my keeper league team's sake) and the Skins don't screw up their pick in the 2nd round. Until next time, folks.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Who's your goalie?

I randomly thought about this a few days ago and I thought it was interesting. Maybe you will too.

I have been a casual NHL fan for the majority of my life. There was a time when the Caps made the playoffs every year. Some of my earliest memories of the Capitals were losing to the Penguins in the playoffs year after year. Don't even talk to me about the time we were ahead 3-0 in a best of 7 and lost the series. Heartbreaking.

Of course, there was also the time when the Caps were the 6 seed and somehow made the Stanley Cup finals. I was actually able to go to game 3. Although we lost, I did get to see one of the best fan fights of all time. Let's just put it this way: a woman was thrown two rows toward the ice. I guess that's what happens when you mix old school mulleted Caps fans with proud Detroiters.

Anyway, the point of this post is that the Goalie position has been remarkably stable for the Caps over the last 25 or so years. I guess they have been unbelievably lucky or skilled at picking goalies because it has been one long tenure after the other. Here is a list of the major goalies that I remember on the Caps.

Bob Mason -- This was the first goalie I remember seeing live. I don't remember much else from those early Caps games, other than Keith Sweat always seemingly being the next big concert at the Cap Centre.

Pete Peeters
-- One of the greats, not only because of his double name, weird spelling of "Peeters", and stellar goal play, but also for wearing number 1 as a goalie. Not something you see too often.

Clint Malarchuk
-- Who can forget the severed jugular? One of the most disturbing moments ever seen on a hockey rink.

Mike Liut
-- He had about one good year in DC. I think he's actually a successful hockey agent now.

Don Beaupre
-- This was the beginning of the new era caps. Beaupre was damn good (but not great) for about 5 years.

Jim Carey -- Fortunately (or unfortunately) his rise to stardom coincided with the heyday of Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura) and the introduction of live video into hockey games. We were cursed with a million clips from The Mask. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssmmmmmmmmmmmmokinnnnnnnnnnn'!

Olaf Kolzig -- If feel kind of bad for Olie. He's been here for about 10 years and given everything to this team. He was the guy that caught fire in 98 and got us to the Cup. Now, he's surrounded by inferior talent, Ovechkin and Halpern. The guy deserves to be traded somewhere good next year.

So that's really it. My whole life = 7 goalies. I'm not sure if you find that strange or a little unbelievable, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The Italian BMT

One of the worst things about working where I do is that there are very few affordable lunch options. The U street area is famous for Ben's Chili Bowl, which is great, but if I want to maintain my girlish figure, I can't eat there more than once a month. There are also a bunch of semi-nice places that I can't really go to because they are semi-expensive and will take a long time to serve me. Ah, the joys of being an hourly "employee." So that limits my options to McDonald's, Quizno's, and Subway.

McDonald's is rarely an option because 1) it could be the dirtiest McDonald's in America, 2) I don't really want to eat that crap more than I have to (Monopoly time), and 3) my idea of ambiance doesn't include a homeless person sitting next to me. Quizno's is ok, but its kind of expensive for what you get, although I do enjoy the pepper bar and horseradish sauce. This limits my choice to Subway.

Now, I don't really like Subway. Everything went downhill ever since they stopped the "U" style cutting of their bread and went to the straight across method. The only things I actually enjoy are the free refills and the fresh baked cookies. Since Subway is really the only option, I have to make the best of it.

The least offensive sandwich to me is the Italian BMT. This includes pepperoni, salami, and ham. Once I add cheese, it passes my test of being the most unkosher meal I can order. But I always had one question about the BMT. What the fuck does BMT stand for? Due to the fact that 99% of the people working for Subway are foreign, I could never ask. But today that all changed.

I ordered my usual 6 inch Italian BMT combo with chocolate chip cookies in lieu of chips and I was stunned to see a white face looking back at me from behind the counter. I took this opportunity to ask the only sandwich artist who could speak fluent English my question for the ages. What does BMT stand for? The guy, who must have just returned from management training answered me immediately: "Brooklyn Manhattan Transfer." What this has to do with a pork sandwich, I'll never know, but one of life's mysteries is hereby solved.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

"Tis the Season

This week is probably the second biggest dual-religion holiday week to December's Hannukmas season. And since Chanuka (how the fuck do you spell that shit?) is about as easy to schedule as Chinese New Year, this week in April offers a glimpse of both religions. Here is the big difference between Judaism and Christianity (A Catheter Man comparitive religion special):

Christians are able to take the death of Jesus and create a fun holiday, filled with candy, chocolate, painted eggs, and cartoon bunnies.

Jews take a presumably happy moment of escaping from slavery in Egypt and turn it into a week of not being able to eat bread. Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Is it me?

Last night after a old-fashioned early pregame, J-man, Ike, and I went out to one of our favorite drinking establishments. It turned out to be quite an interesting night. First, when we entered the bar, there were a few cops inside. This was pretty unusual. Then we saw the reason they were there: to arrest a guy for being black on a Saturday night. Uncomfortable for everyone involved.

After drinking for a little while, things devolved into our new favorite pastime: Who is your black celebrity equivalent? Its a simple game, really. All you have to do is come up with each person's black celebrity equivalent. See, its not just a clever name. Anyway, it was decided that mine is Shawn Wayans. I'm not really sure what that means, but it could be much worse. We agreed that our friend Schewey is Rog from What's Happening.

Once we left the bar, things got a little weirder. First, we saw a guy get thrown out of a different bar. That's not so strange, as our friend G man has been known to get "escorted" out of a bar in a full nelson from time to time. What was weird was that this guy had so much momentum coming out of the bar that he literally flew across the sidewalk and landed on his ass in the street. Okaaaaaaay.

Then we went to get some empanadas. Because nothing puts a cap on a night of drinking like hot meat. The guy serving the empanadas had a tattoo of a cross on his freaking forehead. Thats gotta hurt. Plus, it probably limits your job prospects to either professional boxer, gang member, or empanada server. Its good to see this guy took the right route.

All in all, an odd night.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Bored at Work

My department has been unusually empty the last few days and it has given me a chance to think about some things. The one that stnds out in my mind is this: If my company were to field a softball team, it could be the only one in history where the women re better than the men (except me, of course). Just something to think about.