Editor's Note:
The following was taken from my daily thoughts while filing "TPS reports" for the office where I am currently day laboring (temping).
I can already feel it. After less than a week on the job, the loathing and politics characteristic of so many a workplace have already revealed themselves, as if by osmosis. Do all the same stock characters come with every office? Is there some catalog where misery can be carefully selected by invoice number? Isn't office dysfunction the real reason I fled my last job like corporate greedsanity is a communicable disease? When you're in the shit, you're in full battle mode. 100 yard stare. Fight or flight. All that. Since I'm not really financially or emotionally vested in this place, I can see the score.
There is dissention in the ranks here. Corporate politics have reared their ugly head, even in a company set up to do so much good for the world. Evil is a powerful motherfucker. I can sense that there are major problems with the divisions between the classes that interfere with and perhaps completely handicap this organization's ability to function cohesively and accomplish all it can.
Looking up from the bottom of the lower class (the workers), I can see that my department is pretty efficient at what it does. After three days here, I feel as though I could handle any job in the place. Most of my platoon is content with what they are doing and handle their responsibilities quite well.
Enter management. A woman whom I've never dared to look directly at, for fear that the beast will somehow emit from her soul like tentacles and crush my will to live. In what has become my expectation of all managers, she, rather than running the department using common sense, logic, business acumen, and courteousness, lives in the typical Manager's Bubble, and has created a situation in which the staff not only dislikes her, but does not respect her either.
The manager's signature moves are standard. Calling a meeting for 1:00 and then sending someone down to say she needs another 15 minutes, before finally gracing the department with her presence at 1:45. This move, whether intentional or not (although the more often it occurs, the more intentional it seems), shows a complete lack of common courtesy and professionalism at the very least. At most, it is a passive-aggressive power play to somehow show that "my time is important and yours is not."
Another, more advanced move is undermining not only a subordinate's confidence and ability to perform their duties, but also any chance of them gaining valuable skills that could one day prove useful and allow them to get promoted. Rather than trusting the staff currently in place to handle an assignment they have already been spearheading and would like to continue with, the Manager has decided that "no, no, that would be giving you some power and I want it all to myself." The Manager is trying to bring in a consultant to perform the duties that are in the job description of a current staff member.
But I can't blame the Manager, as she is only a cog in the system. "I was only following orders" has become the American corporate mantra. The system is broken and if Manager wasn't there to fill that role someone else would be.
The company's culture didn't seem all that suspect until I (along with everyone else in the office) received an email that proved all jobs are the same. Since the internet connection is excruciatingly slow sometimes, rather than pony up the money to get a faster connection (however that can be done), the company decided that people were spending too much time doing personal things on the internet, such as shopping, looking for housing, and (gasp!) checking their personal email accounts.
I understand that people are there to work, not play on the internet, but there is a point at which the normal person can use his discretion. Everyone knows if he or she is spending too much time not working. Most people choose not to cross that line. But sometimes, management finds it necessary to end those little conveniences that make office life more pleasant. At my old job, they went so far as to start blocking websites that they deemed "inappropriate" without even informing anyone of the criteria. Luckily, I don't think the IT department at this company is that proficient.
But you know me. I can't complain.
In all actuality, I am almost living the dream right now. I have my own desk, computer, phone, and even a cubicle...with a window! I work normal hours. I don't have a long commute. I'm not treated like crap. I like the people I work with. I'm making ok money. And I'm doing something for the betterment of society. Aside from Neil Weisman moving in two days early, the only problem is that its all going to end quite soon.
When it does end, I'll tell you about some of the more funny things about the place.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
The final anniversary of Roe v. Wade
Today marks the 33rd anniversary of the Supreme Court's landmark decision in Roe v. Wade. In my estimation it will be the last time (or at least close to the last time) that the decision will stand. Unfortunately for any women in the "red" states, you will probably no longer be able to decide what happens in your own body. Even if having the baby is a threat to your own life.
The course of events that will lead up to the impending overruling of this decision were set into motion when George W. was re-elected. Ironically, Bin Laden just came out with a new mix tape to prove what a terrible President this jackass has been [remember Wanted: Dead or Alive? that was about 4.5 years ago]. Anyway, aside from his corruption, cronyism, awful foreign and domestic policies, the most dangerous thing this president has done is stock the Supreme Court with two more ultra conservative justices.
The thing about the presidency is that it will end. In 2008, there will be someone else at the helm of our ship (god help us if its Cunnilingus Rice or Hillary Clinton) and while W's terms have pretty much been a train wreck, most of what he's done can be fixed by the next president. Furthermore, since a president can't make or interpret the laws of the country, he can't really force all Americans to become born again Christians (for example [as I'm sure he'd like to do {if he actually is a born again and that wasn't just made up for political gain}]). The most potentially lasting and dangerous thing a president can do is appoint a Supreme Court Justice and unfortunately for those of use who believe in things like evolution and the separation of church and state, W has gotten to appoint two.
When the founding fathers of this country envisioned the Supreme Court, they believed that the Justices should not be encumbered by having to run for the office. The idea is that judges should not make decisions based on what is popular or politically advantageous to themselves. They should make their decisions based on the law and the evidence before them. What the founding fathers did not foresee is that due to the lifetime tenure of the Supreme Court Justice, a party in power can appoint idealogues or party shills to the post, rather than the best or most qualified judge in the land.
But, as a Constitutional scholar, I know that the president is under no obligation to appoint the best or most qualified judge in the land. A Supreme Court Justice does not have to be a judge at all. They don't even need to be lawyers. Bush could have appointed Brownie from the Hurricane Katrina disaster and America probably would have had to sit by and watch him get confirmed. This is why the nominations and subsequent confirmations of Roberts and Alito are so troubling.
Just last week, we got a taste of what the foreseeable future will hold under the Roberts Court. The Court blocked the Bush administration's attempt to punish Doctors in Oregon who help terminally ill patients die (Jesus said you have to suffer, silly!). The holding of the Court is not surprising, but what is telling are the justices who dissented in this ruling. I bet you could have guessed that they were Scalia, Thomas, and Roberts. When Alito gets confirmed, the religious right will have an automatic 4 Justice block of votes ready to rule for them. This is the tragedy of the George W. Bush presidency. And that, my friends, is saying a lot.
So this brings me back to Roe v. Wade. Ladies, get your abortions now, because all the Court will need to overturn that decision is one more vote (since you already know how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Alito are voting) out of the remaining 5 Justices. And abortion is just the decision we know they want to overturn. Who knows what other decisions this voting block will make? But as the confirmation of Alito draws nearer and nearer, America takes one step further away from its democratic roots and one step closer to becoming a corporate theocracy.
The course of events that will lead up to the impending overruling of this decision were set into motion when George W. was re-elected. Ironically, Bin Laden just came out with a new mix tape to prove what a terrible President this jackass has been [remember Wanted: Dead or Alive? that was about 4.5 years ago]. Anyway, aside from his corruption, cronyism, awful foreign and domestic policies, the most dangerous thing this president has done is stock the Supreme Court with two more ultra conservative justices.
The thing about the presidency is that it will end. In 2008, there will be someone else at the helm of our ship (god help us if its Cunnilingus Rice or Hillary Clinton) and while W's terms have pretty much been a train wreck, most of what he's done can be fixed by the next president. Furthermore, since a president can't make or interpret the laws of the country, he can't really force all Americans to become born again Christians (for example [as I'm sure he'd like to do {if he actually is a born again and that wasn't just made up for political gain}]). The most potentially lasting and dangerous thing a president can do is appoint a Supreme Court Justice and unfortunately for those of use who believe in things like evolution and the separation of church and state, W has gotten to appoint two.
When the founding fathers of this country envisioned the Supreme Court, they believed that the Justices should not be encumbered by having to run for the office. The idea is that judges should not make decisions based on what is popular or politically advantageous to themselves. They should make their decisions based on the law and the evidence before them. What the founding fathers did not foresee is that due to the lifetime tenure of the Supreme Court Justice, a party in power can appoint idealogues or party shills to the post, rather than the best or most qualified judge in the land.
But, as a Constitutional scholar, I know that the president is under no obligation to appoint the best or most qualified judge in the land. A Supreme Court Justice does not have to be a judge at all. They don't even need to be lawyers. Bush could have appointed Brownie from the Hurricane Katrina disaster and America probably would have had to sit by and watch him get confirmed. This is why the nominations and subsequent confirmations of Roberts and Alito are so troubling.
Just last week, we got a taste of what the foreseeable future will hold under the Roberts Court. The Court blocked the Bush administration's attempt to punish Doctors in Oregon who help terminally ill patients die (Jesus said you have to suffer, silly!). The holding of the Court is not surprising, but what is telling are the justices who dissented in this ruling. I bet you could have guessed that they were Scalia, Thomas, and Roberts. When Alito gets confirmed, the religious right will have an automatic 4 Justice block of votes ready to rule for them. This is the tragedy of the George W. Bush presidency. And that, my friends, is saying a lot.
So this brings me back to Roe v. Wade. Ladies, get your abortions now, because all the Court will need to overturn that decision is one more vote (since you already know how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Alito are voting) out of the remaining 5 Justices. And abortion is just the decision we know they want to overturn. Who knows what other decisions this voting block will make? But as the confirmation of Alito draws nearer and nearer, America takes one step further away from its democratic roots and one step closer to becoming a corporate theocracy.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
You heard it here first
Being a straight male, I really don't get the obsession with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I mean, who cares? Really.
But I think I have stumbled onto something. Something big. Seeing as Jolie is pregnant with Pitt's demonic seed, and she is probably about 3 months pregnant (according to some hastily done internet research), I have a theory.
The baby is the Antichrist. Think about it. Look for the birth of the devil child on June 6th of this year. In other words... 6/6/06.
Oh Lord Lucifer Pitt-Jolie, I am your humble servant.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
A note to Mayor Nagin
I'd keep your desire to establish new New Orleans as a "Chocolate" city on the d.l. Take it from a DC resident, if your city becomes any more chocolatey, you're likely to lose your congressional representation.
Top 10 Family Guy Characters
I haven't done a Top 10 list in a while and I thought this one would be apropos. Family Guy is the funniest show on TV and since a show is only as good as its characters, I will now give you my top 10 favorites.
10) Jasper
Jasper is Brian's gay cousin who lives in LA and works at Club Med.
9) Death
First voiced by Norm McDonald and then Adam Carolla, death is usually a pretty funny guest star on the show.
8) Brian
Brian is a martini-drinking, Prius-driving dog who is often the only voice of sanity in the Griffin household.
7) Mort Goldman
Voiced by the famous Johnny Brennan of the Jerky Boys, Mort has a distinct similarity to Sol Goldberg. Mort is also pretty much afraid of everything.
6) Tom Tucker's upside down head son
He's usually not that funny, but the whole concept of being born with an upside down head is just hilarious to me.
5) Peter Griffin
If Homer Simpson was always at his dumbest, most offensive, and without conscience, you would get Peter Griffin.
4) Stewie Griffin
Stewie is best described as an evil, crotchety old man trapped in a baby's body. We're not really sure if anyone can understand him when he speaks (except Brian usually) or if he's gay.
3) Glenn Quagmire
Quahog's resident pervert, Quagmire is always good for innuendo and general sexual hilarity.
2) Herbert, the pedophile
Perhaps the creepiest character in TV history, Herbert has an unhealthy obsession with Chris Griffin. In one of Family Guy's funniest moments, Herbert sings "Somewhere that's green" from Little Shop of Horrors and imagines his perfect life with Chris.
1) Greased up naked deaf guy
A casualty of the demise of Happy Go Lucky Toy Company, we learn that he was a former lawyer, whose life has been ruined by cocaine.
10) Jasper
Jasper is Brian's gay cousin who lives in LA and works at Club Med.
9) Death
First voiced by Norm McDonald and then Adam Carolla, death is usually a pretty funny guest star on the show.
8) Brian
Brian is a martini-drinking, Prius-driving dog who is often the only voice of sanity in the Griffin household.
7) Mort Goldman
Voiced by the famous Johnny Brennan of the Jerky Boys, Mort has a distinct similarity to Sol Goldberg. Mort is also pretty much afraid of everything.
6) Tom Tucker's upside down head son
He's usually not that funny, but the whole concept of being born with an upside down head is just hilarious to me.
5) Peter Griffin
If Homer Simpson was always at his dumbest, most offensive, and without conscience, you would get Peter Griffin.
4) Stewie Griffin
Stewie is best described as an evil, crotchety old man trapped in a baby's body. We're not really sure if anyone can understand him when he speaks (except Brian usually) or if he's gay.
3) Glenn Quagmire
Quahog's resident pervert, Quagmire is always good for innuendo and general sexual hilarity.
2) Herbert, the pedophile
Perhaps the creepiest character in TV history, Herbert has an unhealthy obsession with Chris Griffin. In one of Family Guy's funniest moments, Herbert sings "Somewhere that's green" from Little Shop of Horrors and imagines his perfect life with Chris.
1) Greased up naked deaf guy
A casualty of the demise of Happy Go Lucky Toy Company, we learn that he was a former lawyer, whose life has been ruined by cocaine.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Done and done
Gregg Williams deserves every penny of the $8 million dollar deal he got a couple of weeks ago. Not until this week did a team totally expose the Redskins defense for what it is: a very good defense with a well below average front four. Williams was able to hide the collection of castoffs and second stringers with blitzes and stunts for the last two months, but Seattle showed the world why a team can't neglect a glaring need such as a pass rushing defensive end for 10 years. Matt Hasselback couldn't have had more time to throw the ball today. All the Redskins could muster was a pass rush about as effective as a typical game of "500."
The Skins simply must use their first draft pick on a defensive end. Of course, the Redskins were forced to waste their first round draft pick this year in order to move up and draft a quarterback who may never start in DC. So we're looking at the end of the second round, a territory where most of the stars like Kiwianuka (or however you spell it) will be long gone. Unfortunately, the Redskins also desperately need a second wide receiver. Preferably one who is taller than I am. So we could go that way with our first pick. And if history is any indication, we'll look at every other position than the one we need most: defensive end.
Even though I don't think the Redskins are good, I can't help but be disappointed in the effort shown in Seattle. When Shaun Alexander left the game, the score was 0-0. It might have been the best thing that could have happened for the Seahawks because Hasselback decided to throw the ball about 80% of the time from then on. With absolutely zero pass rush, he was able to connect with his receivers at will. Even with three turnovers by Seattle, the Skins could not take the lead because Seattle had no problem moving the ball. Without the NFL MVP.
This simply cannot continue to happen every year. Gibbs' teams in the 80's had Mann and Manley. These Redskins don't even have a guy who could hold Dexter Manley's coke vial. Either draft or sign a LEGITIMATE defensive end this season or we will not be a good team. And if we can make it to the second round of the playoffs with as flawed a team as we fielded this year, imagine what would happen if we had a pass rush.
The Skins simply must use their first draft pick on a defensive end. Of course, the Redskins were forced to waste their first round draft pick this year in order to move up and draft a quarterback who may never start in DC. So we're looking at the end of the second round, a territory where most of the stars like Kiwianuka (or however you spell it) will be long gone. Unfortunately, the Redskins also desperately need a second wide receiver. Preferably one who is taller than I am. So we could go that way with our first pick. And if history is any indication, we'll look at every other position than the one we need most: defensive end.
Even though I don't think the Redskins are good, I can't help but be disappointed in the effort shown in Seattle. When Shaun Alexander left the game, the score was 0-0. It might have been the best thing that could have happened for the Seahawks because Hasselback decided to throw the ball about 80% of the time from then on. With absolutely zero pass rush, he was able to connect with his receivers at will. Even with three turnovers by Seattle, the Skins could not take the lead because Seattle had no problem moving the ball. Without the NFL MVP.
This simply cannot continue to happen every year. Gibbs' teams in the 80's had Mann and Manley. These Redskins don't even have a guy who could hold Dexter Manley's coke vial. Either draft or sign a LEGITIMATE defensive end this season or we will not be a good team. And if we can make it to the second round of the playoffs with as flawed a team as we fielded this year, imagine what would happen if we had a pass rush.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
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