This past weekend, I went to a wedding in the glorious state of Rhode Island. For those of you scoring at home, that's state #29 for Catheter Man. I could try and write a full post about the weekend, but I'm feeling too lazy to do it justice, so I'll just give you some highlights. Here are some of the best and worst things about the trip.
1) The flight to Providence: surprisingly only one hour long. That was the cool part. The bad part was eating breakfast at National Airport (I refuse to call it Reagan) and experiencing a bacon, egg, and cheese on a soggy plain bagel at... wait for it...Jerry's. Still, it was a better choice than Girlfriend's breakfast burrito from Ranch 1.
One other part of the flight that ruled was Row 4. Don't ever discount how awesome the bulkhead seats are. I even snuck my finger into first class for a little while. What didn't rule was the turbulence. I don't care about the bumpiness. I cared that the flight attendant decided it was too bumpy to use the drink cart and only offered water, coffee, or orange juice during drink service. Seeing as I was denied my right to a Diet Coke, I went with OJ. I knew it was a bad choice when it had ice in it.
2) Newport: Newport is a very cool, New Englandy town. I should mention that as a Family Guy fan, I made sure that the first words out of my mouth when we landed in Rhode Island were: "Side Boob." There is nothing as cool (in a funny way) as the Rhode Island accent. We overheard one woman talking about how her "Cawkapoo runs acrawss the yahd."
Newport is like any typical seaside port town, if you were surrounded by 300 year old buildings and everyone vacationing there looked like Judge Smails. There were tons of what I have dubbed: Sailboat People. Now add places like the New England Quahog Company, Griswold's, and my college buddy and I saying "Side Boob" every five minutes and you have some idea of what the weekend was like.
3) The Rehearsal Dinner. The rehearsal dinner was great. It was at a mansion (I think) right next to the water. It had a very cool tiki bar inside and the banquet room had an amazing water view. Being that this was a wedding weekend, I took the opportunity to stuff myself silly. At the rehearsal dinner, I had a cookie, a brownie, and a slice of apple pie. And that was just dessert.
Another thing I love about rehearsal dinners are the slide shows (with musical accompaniment) featuring embarrassing photos of the bride and grooms awkward teenage years. Those alone are usually worth the price of admission. Most of the speeches were great, too. I'm reasonably sure that the 18 speeches (I'm not exaggerating) from this wedding will never be topped. That being said, if you are the type of couple that has 18 speeches about you at your wedding, you must be doing something right.
4) The Wedding: The best part about Jewish wedding ceremonies is that they are usually pretty short. Not that I (or anyone else) wouldn't love to share the couple's big moment, but I think everyone (including the couple) appreciates the brevity. After a great ceremony, highlighted by beautifully self-written vows by the bride and groom, it was time to get our party on.
I stuffed my gullet again (including two desserts) and drank enough to kill a small child. But I didn't really get drunk. Maybe it was all the dancing or perhaps the 950,000 calories I consumed that day, but I didn't even get buzzed. Not that it mattered. It was a fun party and I got to hang out with a lot of people from college who I may never see again.
After the party, it was the afterparty. Unfortunately by this time, I was exhausted. I made my way over to the Presidential Suite, where the bride and bridegroom were staying and I could not believe how big the joint was. It was at least the size of a full length basketball court, and that didn't even include the bedroom or the roof deck that you could access through a rickety spiral staircase.
As much as I wanted to continue the festivities, the two days of gluttony and drinking had taken their toll and I had to go to bed about 10 minutes after getting to the room. Apparently I missed 10 pizzas being ordered and consumed, singing and subsequently being kicked off the roofdeck by security, and general rabblerousing until 4 am.
All in all, it was a great weekend and nothing feels better than getting out of DC for a while. I wish the couple nothing but happiness in the future and thank them for a wonderful time.
And of course...
Side boob.
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