Well, the Wiz blew it last night all but ensuring a sweep and second round exit from the playoffs. Here are some things I noticed:
-Even with Shaq out of the lineup for the Heat, the Wiz still played defense like a bad rec team, allowing Wade to score at will. Hell, even Udonis Haslem looked good.
-Do you think that Udonis Haslem's mother wanted his name to be pronounced like Adonis, but was too stupid to spell it correctly?
-Why do the papers insist on using Heat as a singular noun. For example: "The Heat scorches the Wizards." The term Heat refers to the team, thus it is a plural noun. You would not say "The Wizards is not playing defense" (unless you were the sports writer for the Ebonics Morning Herald).
-Do you realize that the Heat have the top 3 draft picks from the 1992 draft? Shaq, Mourning, and Laettner. All they need are Jimmy Jackson and LaPhonso Ellis to round out the top 5.
-Michael Ruffin's head is simply huge.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Part II
I never understood why the Vikings didn't start Mewelde Moore for more games last year, but I have this theory: Mike Tice is an idiot. Evidence: Check out this story about Onterrio Smith. Maybe he and Tice smoked pot and played with prosthetic peni together.
Sorry
Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I had exams. Now that I'm officially unemployed again, I should have significantly more time for posting. For now, I'm doing my Mt. Kilamanjaro-sized pile of laundry and cleaning the apartment. Both of which have been neglected for well over a month. Stay tuned.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Congratulations, here's your shit sandwich
Congratulations to the Washington Wizards, who won their first playoff series since 1982. That's right, 1982. I was 5 freaking years old. So this is really the first time that I remember a playoff series win. And they did it by beating the worst team to ever have home court advantage in the playoffs.
The Bulls team that they fielded was pretty awful in the pantheon of NBA playoff teams. If they put that team on the floor every night and didn't start Chandler and Gordon all year, they probably would be in the lottery right now. And the Wiz barely beat them each night. Why? They probably played defense for about 15 minutes of the whole series. Thats 15 minutes of real time, not game time. The Wizards are definitely the worst defensive team to ever win a playoff series. But I'm happy for them anyway. Apparently, Gheorghe Muresan was happy too. I think I saw him in the tunnel at the end of last night's game. I mean, what other team can boast as having a 7 and a half foot movie star at their games?
So what do the Wiz kids get as their reward for winning? A trip to Miami to get swept by the Heat. As if we weren't going to have enough problems with big men, we get to not have Kwame Brown's 6 fouls against Shaq. I hope we activate Ramos, if only for his fouls. Oh, and did I mention that we are going to have a pissed off Shaq playing against us?
Yes, the MVP went to Steve Nash. Shaq could have gotten it and he's got to be pissed that he lost out to a Canadian white boy on a much more talented team. Remember when Olajuwon lost the MVP to Robinson and proceeded to absolutely destroy him in the playoffs. Imagine Shaq having that same attitude of showing the voters they made a mistake, only instead of playing against a top 50 guy in his prime, he gets Brendan Haywood, Etan Thomas, and Michael Ruffin to push around. Shaq might score 50 points a night against this team that can't play defense anyway. As Bubba Sparxx once said, Its going to get ugly.
I also just found out that the announcement that Nash won MVP will come at halftime of the Wiz/Heat game on sunday in Miami. Are you kidding me? The Wiz get one day between games, in which they have to fly to Miami for an afternoon game, then Shaq gets extra motivation at halftime. I can almost hear David Stern calling Dick Bavetta to ref right now. This game is going to be a blow out. Now I'm intrigued. I'm obviously not a betting man because I have no idea how to check the odds on tomorrow's game. I wish I could bet $1000 on the Heat.
Well, I can't be too mad because I have never seen my team make it this far and maybe they will steal game 3. But if I were a betting man, I'd put the mortgage on Shaq to have the best series of his life. Even Mourning will probably destroy everyone (and they all have functioning kidneys!) Great job, Wiz. You did what you were supposed to do. Now next year, you need to play some defense and maybe we'll go somewhere.
The Bulls team that they fielded was pretty awful in the pantheon of NBA playoff teams. If they put that team on the floor every night and didn't start Chandler and Gordon all year, they probably would be in the lottery right now. And the Wiz barely beat them each night. Why? They probably played defense for about 15 minutes of the whole series. Thats 15 minutes of real time, not game time. The Wizards are definitely the worst defensive team to ever win a playoff series. But I'm happy for them anyway. Apparently, Gheorghe Muresan was happy too. I think I saw him in the tunnel at the end of last night's game. I mean, what other team can boast as having a 7 and a half foot movie star at their games?
So what do the Wiz kids get as their reward for winning? A trip to Miami to get swept by the Heat. As if we weren't going to have enough problems with big men, we get to not have Kwame Brown's 6 fouls against Shaq. I hope we activate Ramos, if only for his fouls. Oh, and did I mention that we are going to have a pissed off Shaq playing against us?
Yes, the MVP went to Steve Nash. Shaq could have gotten it and he's got to be pissed that he lost out to a Canadian white boy on a much more talented team. Remember when Olajuwon lost the MVP to Robinson and proceeded to absolutely destroy him in the playoffs. Imagine Shaq having that same attitude of showing the voters they made a mistake, only instead of playing against a top 50 guy in his prime, he gets Brendan Haywood, Etan Thomas, and Michael Ruffin to push around. Shaq might score 50 points a night against this team that can't play defense anyway. As Bubba Sparxx once said, Its going to get ugly.
I also just found out that the announcement that Nash won MVP will come at halftime of the Wiz/Heat game on sunday in Miami. Are you kidding me? The Wiz get one day between games, in which they have to fly to Miami for an afternoon game, then Shaq gets extra motivation at halftime. I can almost hear David Stern calling Dick Bavetta to ref right now. This game is going to be a blow out. Now I'm intrigued. I'm obviously not a betting man because I have no idea how to check the odds on tomorrow's game. I wish I could bet $1000 on the Heat.
Well, I can't be too mad because I have never seen my team make it this far and maybe they will steal game 3. But if I were a betting man, I'd put the mortgage on Shaq to have the best series of his life. Even Mourning will probably destroy everyone (and they all have functioning kidneys!) Great job, Wiz. You did what you were supposed to do. Now next year, you need to play some defense and maybe we'll go somewhere.
Friday, May 06, 2005
The opposite of an oral exam
Law school exams are usually meant to test how well you can spot issues in fact patterns and construct various, thought-provoking, legally-sound arguments to support your position. While this is pretty annoying and a general waste of time, it at least tests your knowledge of the subject matter (some might say all it tests is your ability to write well in a limited period of time).
Unfortunately, during most exams you not only have to cram all of the legal information into your head, but the professors are always making some stupid formatting issues that you have to work around. Thus begins: the Anal exam.
Law students (for the most part) are the most obsessive-compulsive, anal bunch you have ever seen. I have often wondered if law school makes them that way or people who are already that way are naturally drawn to the law. Regardless, they are usually some of the most annoying people to be around in the world. Multiply that by 10 and you have exam time.
Professors can be anal as well. After all most of them went to Harvard or Yale or somewhere like that so they are the nerdiest of the nerds; the analiest of the anal (I have no idea if I just used that semi colon correctly and I don't care). During exams, as if you don't have to worry about enough, some professors will tell you certain margins, or fonts, or page limits that you must use for your paper. Most of the time these are normal, but then you will always have the strange request, like the one I got today: 14 point font, 1 inch margins on every side, and 12 page limit. What the Quiznos? I'm glad its such a short length for a 48 hour exam, but I admit I had to break out my calculator to figure out how long each section should be. Oh, and when I turn it in it has to be in a manilla envelope. Who has manilla envelopes?
So after dilly-dallying (Dilly dally? Chilly chally. Is the Princess Bride gay?) most of the day, I have 11 pages on crap that I really didn't read all semester. I'll fill it out to 12 by the end of the day and hope for the best. After today, I'll be one exam away from never setting foot in the crap hole again!
Unfortunately, during most exams you not only have to cram all of the legal information into your head, but the professors are always making some stupid formatting issues that you have to work around. Thus begins: the Anal exam.
Law students (for the most part) are the most obsessive-compulsive, anal bunch you have ever seen. I have often wondered if law school makes them that way or people who are already that way are naturally drawn to the law. Regardless, they are usually some of the most annoying people to be around in the world. Multiply that by 10 and you have exam time.
Professors can be anal as well. After all most of them went to Harvard or Yale or somewhere like that so they are the nerdiest of the nerds; the analiest of the anal (I have no idea if I just used that semi colon correctly and I don't care). During exams, as if you don't have to worry about enough, some professors will tell you certain margins, or fonts, or page limits that you must use for your paper. Most of the time these are normal, but then you will always have the strange request, like the one I got today: 14 point font, 1 inch margins on every side, and 12 page limit. What the Quiznos? I'm glad its such a short length for a 48 hour exam, but I admit I had to break out my calculator to figure out how long each section should be. Oh, and when I turn it in it has to be in a manilla envelope. Who has manilla envelopes?
So after dilly-dallying (Dilly dally? Chilly chally. Is the Princess Bride gay?) most of the day, I have 11 pages on crap that I really didn't read all semester. I'll fill it out to 12 by the end of the day and hope for the best. After today, I'll be one exam away from never setting foot in the crap hole again!
Link of the day
I'm in the middle of taking an exam right now, but here's a link to keep you satisfied.
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