10 year Reunion: Everybody Chung Wang Tonight

Has it really been 10 years? It seems like at least twice that long since I graced the halls of my suburban high school. I remember at the time thinking that I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the area, yet here I am 10 years later, much better educated and almost ready to give up on finally getting that dream job. Since I really didn't like most of the people in my high school class (amongst other reasons), I decided it would be best to attend Thanksgiving dinner at my girlfriend's parents' place up in New Jersey, where I could get the added bonus of attending her 10 year reunion.

My girlfriend grew up in a full-fledged New Jersey "town" (I used to hate when college classmates from New Jersey would ask what town I grew up in. I used to say. "I didn't. I grew up in a city"). Anyway, being that this is a town, there are basically only two bars: one where all the teachers hang out (again, I think this is a New Jersey thing) and another that is a combination sports bar and cheesy club. Her reunion was held at the latter.

When we arrived at the bar, we went upstairs where she had to sign in and get her name tag. The class officers from her senior year manned the sign in table and issued her a name tag with her senior picture on it. We then went up to the bar for what was supposed to be 2 hours of "open bar." For an added bonus, the DJ was playing only music from 1994-5. I haven't heard this much Soul Asylum since last year's NBA playoffs.

I decided to start it out slow (with a little Bella Fleck) and get a Captain and Coke because I had not eaten anything for dinner. Soon thereafter, I wanted to see what there was to eat at this little shindig. To my (skyrockets in flight, afternoon) delight, we had an assortment of stuffed mushrooms, chicken fingers, fried shrimp, steamed dumplings, and a few other finger foods. Mmmmmmmmmm. Bar food.

Once I had my fill of fried foods, I decided that I needed to take advantage of the open bar. I went right up and ordered a Ketel One dirty martini. For some reason, the bartender said that they were not allowed to give out martinis. So I asked for Ketel One on the rocks. For some other reason, they were able to fulfill that request. Now, keep in mind I am in a situation where I only know my girlfriend, one or two of her friends, one guy from college that I was never really friends with (but we make small talk anyway), two boners (if you knew them, you'd say they were boners also) from college, and a girl one of my friends "accidentally" tried to fuck in the ass in the attic of Fiji during the first week of our freshman year. Need alcohol. I was going to have to try harder to get saucy.

At this point in the night I went back to the snack table and chowed down again while my girlfriend talked to some people I didn't know. When I met up with her, we went and talked with a girl who we met up with on our Vegas vacation a couple of years ago. We happened to be standing at the bar where the planners of the reunion had stashed the pictures of all the people who did not RSVP to the party in case they showed up. Just then, I had the brilliant idea of "becoming" one of the people in girlfriend's senior class. But who would be the funniest? A black guy. Unfortunately, girlfriend's high school had even fewer black guys than my high school. So I was forced to become Indian. Dots, not feathers. From now on, my name would be Abey Thomas.

After another round of Ketel One on the rocks, I settled into my position of hanging out with girlfriend while she talked to people she had not seen in 10 years. I thought the night could not get any better when up walked Chung Wang. That's right, Chung Wang. This was a guy who was way too excited for the reunion on the evite, so of course, I couldn't wait to see him at the party. He recognized girlfriend and they got to talking. Upon hearing that we live in DC, he said "I love the Metro!" He also said that in high school he was "dorktacular" and that, not suprisingly, he is now a software engineer. The man was clearly happy to be back, showing all those Zabkas who had teased him how successful he is now. But, boy does he need to get laid.

After Chung Wang, I needed another drink. So I went up to the bar and tried to get another Ketel One on the rocks. Unfortunately, I went to a different bartender who told me that she couldn't do that. So I went with the old Ketel One and tonic. A far cry from the martini I originally wanted, but what the hell? When in Rome.

After a few more meetings with girlfriend's high school cohorts (including a lesbian mouse), it became clear that Abey Thomas, while actually looking nothing like me (he had a moustache in high school), looked enough like me for people to have to do double takes after seeing the picture. High comedy. I suggest you try it. One girl came by when I was hanging out with another "plus one" and asked if we were from the class of 95. It really was all I could do to hold back my overwhelming desire to say, "Didn't we fuck?" Her boyfriend looked kind of big and ornery anyway.

After the open bar ended, the class officers said that it would be open until the money ran out. I'm really not sure what that even means, but I was ready to get out of there. After the party, we were planning on ending the night where every self-respecting Jerseyite ends their night: in a diner.

Fortunately for me, a couple of days earlier, I had been to two different diners in the same day, so I knew exactly what to look for on the menu. Unfortunately, one of the people in the part did not know how to properly order at the diner. He ordered the Maryland crab chowder...at a diner...in New Jersey. I think he was expecting a red soup because he was silghtly horrified when a cream of crab soup came out. He asked if it was the crab soup and the waitress said, "I'm sorry hon. It looked a little watery when I came in today. I can take it back if you want." He promptly exchanged it for the French onion soup (or should I say the Freedom Onion Soup)?

I, on the other hand, knew exactly what to order. I have a new late night diner staple: Waffle with vanilla ice cream. It could be the best late night snack ever. You get the waffley goodness with the ice cream dankstinia. Oh god, I want one right now. So we finished our meal while the girls talked about a bunch of people I have never heard of and then it was time to finally go home.

I would have to say that the reunion was a rousing success. A good time was had by all (especially Chung Wang) and I was able to eat my new traditional late night meal of waffle and ice cream. Who knows? In 10 years, maybe I'll even show up for my own reunion. Naaaaaaaahhhh.