Catheter Man: Major F'ing Star (part deux)

Today I got to be part of my second major motion picture. The Vanishing, a quasi-remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, starring Nicole Kidman was filming downtown and yours truly got the call to be an extra again.

We were supposed to meet at RFK Stadium at 9:30 am, where we would be transported to the super secret filming location. So girlfriend offered to take me rather than having to take the Metro. We loaded Takoma into the car and headed towards crack-ville. When we got to RFK, I was looking around for a parking lot with people in it. As we drove around the stadium, it became clear that none of the lots directly next to the stadium were the correct one. I really should have read that e-mail more carefully.

We drove all the way around the stadium once and just as we got back to the front entrance, Takoma promptly puked in the back seat. Good times. So now we're driving around looking for a lot that isn't there with the smell of dog puke wofting from behind us. We stopped so that we (girlfriend) could clean up the puke and I could try and figure out what to do next. Luckily, some woman also was kind of lost, but at least she knew that we were supposed to go to Lot 7.

Once Takoma's breakfast was swept off of the seat, we headed out around the stadium again to try and get to Lot 7. What nobody tells you (or erects a sign to tell you) is that Lot 7 is not really visible from the stadium. We missed the exit for it and then had to drive all the way around the stadium again to get back to it. I finally got to Lot 7 at about 9:40, about 10 minutes late. I then signed in and boarded a school bus where I was transported to the L'Enfant Plaza area to the tents.

At the tent area, I went over to wardrobe, where they told me that what I had on was fine. I went back inside to try and find some breakfast. At my old job I learned that whenever you are part of a project that involves entertainment industry union members, it will be catered. I found the last of the hot breakfast and got a small helping of eggs, hash browns (Hardee's style, not my favorite), and sausage (patty, not link). This is a dangerous combination, seeing as I potentially would not be near a bathroom for the rest of the day, but I also might not eat the rest of the day, so I had to take my chances.

I went and ate my food and then waited. It was about 10:30 by then and there was nothing better to do, so I just sat down. I talked with a couple of the other extras and learned of a cool-sounding Japanese movie that I will be renting from Netflix and possibly reviewing on the site. I also learned that the Ivy League "only say the location and not the name of your college when asked" rule also applies to other schools. The guy next to me said he went to school "in Durham." Since I thought this was slightly rediculous, I just said, "So, Duke?" Of course. I think the next time someone asks me where I went to school, I'm going to say: "in Ann Arbor."

Then I noticed another table of food near where we were sitting. Two words: Krispy Kreme. Obviously, I had to get me some of that. So I had a glazed donut and then waited. And then waited. Intermittently, they would call certain groups to go to the set, but the blue group (of which I was a proud member), was not called until a little after noon.

We finally boarded the busses to go to the set, which we learned would not be Georgetown (where we assumed we would be), but in the Federal Triangle area across from the Old Post Office Pavillion. We were the first group of extras there, so I thought we might get a pretty good position. They had us line up in front of some building where they were supposed to be giving out flu shots or something, but in reality the shots turn you into a snatcher. I got a spot right in front of this table where there were nurses, right in front of the building. Sweet! And then we waited.

In about 30 more minutes, they brought a bunch of other extras in and had then fill up the line in between the table where I was and the entrance to the building. They were trying to make the line look really full. Then the bad news came. We had to back up really far because when the camera started rolling, we would have to move forward in line. Now I was standing way far back behind the fake news van, so I'll probably only be seen in a very wide shot (look for the white guy in the red shirt the right of the news van.) Unfortunately, I did not see any stars that I recognized, but I did get to see Nicole Kidman's stand-in. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

We did a bunch of different camera angles of the same scene. Since they were filming, they had the street blocked off. That, however, did not prevent the best part of the day from happening. Two old people, who I can only assume were from Kazakhstan, wandered onto the set and asked me what was going on. I said they were filming a movie. The woman said she didn't understand. I pointed out the camera and told her we were filimg a movie again. She then inquired, "So you are waiting to see someone in-ter-es-ting?" (because we were in a big line). I said, "No, we are extras in the movie." She then said in an accent exactly like Borat's, "In my country, we say they need people to be the bushes." I laughed at her (but she thought it was with her) and with that, the Kazakh couple went on their way and we were back to filming, standing, and waiting.

We finished filming around 3:30 and they took some of the extras and bussed them to another location. The rest of us were told to go across the street and wait for the busses to come back. So we waited. And then we waited. And then we waited some more. About 30 minutes into it, people were starting to get pissed. One crazy lady who looked kind of like a combination of Anne Ramsey and a Peking Duck was definitely about to snap. About 45 minutes into it, people were calling the production company and trying to find out what was going on. About 50 minutes into our wait, a random school bus went by and Peking Ramsey tried to flag it down. A guy on crutches hailed a cab and was about to get in, when the busses finally arrived -- over an hour later. Peking Ramsey was so excited she made some sort of noise that I can't even begin to do justice to if I tried to explain it. But it was kind of like the noise that those arab women make whenever a jew dies.

We got back to the tent area and all I wanted to do is sit down, eat, and leave. Well, take a piss, sit down, eat, and leave. So I took a piss and then tried to find some food. I didn't really want anything heavy, so I just settled on pasta salad, cole slaw, and some of that iced cream the kids have been talking about. I sat down and ate and then got in the line to get signed out (I gotta make them ends). I finally signed out and headed back to the Metro.

Before I got to the Metro, I assumed that I would have to buy a pass with my credit card because I only had $1.35 on me at the time (being poor sucks). In a giant stroke of luck, the fare to my stop was exactly $1.35. The perfect end to a somewhat enjoyable day. Ahhh, getting paid to stand around and do nothing. Now I know what is feels like to work for the government. Sha-ZANG!

So the bottom line is: the movie looks like it could be interesting, but not that great in a Manchurian Candidate remake kind of way. There is probably about a 1% chance of me actually being visible in it. The waiting in this one was much worse than the heat in the last one. And I banged Peking Ramsey in a port-o-potty.

Seacrest out!