Of my arch enemies (i.e. luck, god, Boris, the Swiss, etc.) perhaps the one I hate the most is static cling. There is nothing worse than taking off your jacket and having your shirt or your shorts stick to your body like you were dressed as Freddie Mercury for Halloween. Back when I was younger, I would use this:
Static Guard is pretty damn good at what it does, namely, get rid of static. But these days, I have not been able to use what little money I have on such luxuries. For the same price as Static Guard, I could get approximately 73 packs of Ramen noodles, so I think you know which one I am going for, given the choice.
Luckily, girlfriend still has some disposable income. But I would not think of asking her to buy Static Guard. I resigned myself to just not wearing any of my clothes that were prone to getting staticy. That is, until I ran out of boxers and had to go with some mesh shorts, a prime target for static. So what was I to do? I had to think of something fast. I was either going to get rid of this damn static or go commando. What I found out might put the Static Guard company out of business (assuming it is not part of some huge conglomerate [which it most likely is]). The information I am about to give you should be guarded with your life, unless you feel like telling someone else. All in the name of ending the worldwide pandemic of static.
Febreze does the exact same thing as Static Guard (and smells lovely, to boot!).
If you can fill the unforgiving shorts
With Febreze and make static run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
