Avid readers of this blog will no doubt remember the culmination of the Year of the Catheter a week or two ago. Since I did not win any of the quarters of the Superbowl box pool (I had a 1 in 10 chance), I believed that my luck had dried up and the year of good fortune was over. That was until Saturday night.
Yes, folks. I joined the millions of idiots who donate to the stupid tax. I gave my six dollars for three chances to win 365 million dollars (a perfect amount for "fuck you" money, as Sir Charles Barkley would say). This was not the first time I have attempted to defy the odds. A few months ago, the jackpot was over 200 million and I actually made a chart of the most likely numbers, based on the last 100 drawings. Needless to say, it didn't work.
But this time, I just randomly chose numbers while trying to avoid touching the crackheads who were in line with me. I got my ticket Friday and basically forgot about the whole thing until sometime Sunday morning. When I woke up, I checked my numbers and lo and behold...I got the powerball. Luckily (or unluckily) I got (only) one more of the other numbers, so I ended up winning $4 and netting $-2. Either way, I am proclaiming it a win for Catheter Man.
Furthermore, I am also proclaiming that since the Year of the Catheter is over, it is now the Year of the Man. I will be having even better luck this year, beginning with my big Powerball win and continuing as I get a job tomorrow at a career fair where I don't even know what companies will attend. I'm going to rock their faces off.
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Praise Jesus!
