Still available on the Falcons website: the 2005 Ron Mexico jersey!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
An Eventful Wednesday Morning
This morning, I finally had a plumber come in to look at my kitchen sink and toilet. The sink has been dripping continuously for about 2 months, and the toilet has been running for longer than that, so I figured it was time. Well, it turns out that the Brita thing that attaches to the faucet causes pressure to build up and it fucks up sinks, so word to the wise -- just get the Brita pitcher instead.
The best part was that this guy was probably in his early to mid 50's and he started talking to me about my Play Station 2. I figured he was just trying to make small talk, but then he began saying that he has a Game Cube and whatever the new portable Nintendo handheld system is (and how its more advantageous to him than the PSP because he had the Game Boy advance and he can use all of those games on his new system). This gives me great hope that I will still be the video game-playing scumbag at 50 years old that I am today.
After he was finished, I walked to the Metro to go to school. Normally this is pretty uneventful, but today two strange things happened on the way there. First, I saw the Secret Service pull some lady in a Jetta over on the corner of my street. Now, I'm no expert on clandestine ops, but I'm pretty sure that it kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a secret service if they drive around in a police car marked: "Secret Service."
Second, there was a homeless guy sitting outside of CVS. This is usually no big deal because there are always homeless people hanging out around there. But this guy was not only lounging in a beach chair, enjoying the sunny day, but also wearing a Superman t-shirt and reading a Russian-English dictionary. Pretty strange if you ask me.
So I get to the bus stop to go to school and I decide that I need a haircut. Some of you know about my various trials and tribulations (thats a word you don't hear too much) with hair cuts and I had one last summer that deserves its own post (think Slingblade mixed with Forrest Gump), but I have been going to the place up on main campus for a little while and have found it to be adequate.
When I get to the place where the hair salon (for lack of a better word) used to be, it is closed, only to be replaced by a hair salon, nail, and tanning place. Ok. Breathe. This is going to be fine. I've already committed to going all the way there, I might as well get my hair cut. So I go inside and sit down in the chair. First of all, I'm not sure if this happens everywhere but do all of these hair places have a direct hookup to the sound system in a Cancun club? The weirdo techno music already has me out of my element when a Vietnamese man (I know he was Vietnamese. I did 3 tours in DaNang) with enough turquoise jewelry to be in a Gaystrogen commercial saunters up to ask me how I'd like my hair cut. I tell him and we're on our way.
First, he gives me the shampoo treatment. This is always great because I don't usually get it and I didn't shower this morning (waiting for the plumber), so it works out for both of us. I have always wondered why they don't save the shampoo for after the haircut, when you're covered in irritating hairs and spend the rest of the day finding them all over yourself and your clothes. Anyway, he cuts my hair and does not even ask 1) how I want the back done and 2) how I usually style it. These are the marks of a true professional. My answer to the back question (square or round? (I think)) is always: "whatever looks better." Honestly, I could care less what the back of my hair looks like, just make it normal. Then, at the end, I thought I was going to have to tell him that I put gel in my hair and sort of spike it up (I was wearing a hat when I came in, so there's no way he could have known). But lo and behold, this guy takes out the gel and does it without me saying a word. Quality.
So I get out of there and I want a drink (since its been at least an hour since my last Diet Coke). I go into the little campus convenience store and they actually had 1 liters of Diet Coke. Luckily for me, I have been on a winning streak (the year of the catheter) and I had 2 free 1 liter caps in my pocket. Now for the moment of truth.
Me: "I have one of these caps."
Checkout Lady: "Ok."
Me: (walking out without paying, amazed, speechless)
Oh my god! It worked. It felt like I was robbing the place. Now I just have to go up there every time I win one of these free Cokes.
That was my eventful morning. Now I just have 3 hours until my next class and 8 1/2 hours until I go home.
Seacrest OUT!
The best part was that this guy was probably in his early to mid 50's and he started talking to me about my Play Station 2. I figured he was just trying to make small talk, but then he began saying that he has a Game Cube and whatever the new portable Nintendo handheld system is (and how its more advantageous to him than the PSP because he had the Game Boy advance and he can use all of those games on his new system). This gives me great hope that I will still be the video game-playing scumbag at 50 years old that I am today.
After he was finished, I walked to the Metro to go to school. Normally this is pretty uneventful, but today two strange things happened on the way there. First, I saw the Secret Service pull some lady in a Jetta over on the corner of my street. Now, I'm no expert on clandestine ops, but I'm pretty sure that it kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a secret service if they drive around in a police car marked: "Secret Service."
Second, there was a homeless guy sitting outside of CVS. This is usually no big deal because there are always homeless people hanging out around there. But this guy was not only lounging in a beach chair, enjoying the sunny day, but also wearing a Superman t-shirt and reading a Russian-English dictionary. Pretty strange if you ask me.
So I get to the bus stop to go to school and I decide that I need a haircut. Some of you know about my various trials and tribulations (thats a word you don't hear too much) with hair cuts and I had one last summer that deserves its own post (think Slingblade mixed with Forrest Gump), but I have been going to the place up on main campus for a little while and have found it to be adequate.
When I get to the place where the hair salon (for lack of a better word) used to be, it is closed, only to be replaced by a hair salon, nail, and tanning place. Ok. Breathe. This is going to be fine. I've already committed to going all the way there, I might as well get my hair cut. So I go inside and sit down in the chair. First of all, I'm not sure if this happens everywhere but do all of these hair places have a direct hookup to the sound system in a Cancun club? The weirdo techno music already has me out of my element when a Vietnamese man (I know he was Vietnamese. I did 3 tours in DaNang) with enough turquoise jewelry to be in a Gaystrogen commercial saunters up to ask me how I'd like my hair cut. I tell him and we're on our way.
First, he gives me the shampoo treatment. This is always great because I don't usually get it and I didn't shower this morning (waiting for the plumber), so it works out for both of us. I have always wondered why they don't save the shampoo for after the haircut, when you're covered in irritating hairs and spend the rest of the day finding them all over yourself and your clothes. Anyway, he cuts my hair and does not even ask 1) how I want the back done and 2) how I usually style it. These are the marks of a true professional. My answer to the back question (square or round? (I think)) is always: "whatever looks better." Honestly, I could care less what the back of my hair looks like, just make it normal. Then, at the end, I thought I was going to have to tell him that I put gel in my hair and sort of spike it up (I was wearing a hat when I came in, so there's no way he could have known). But lo and behold, this guy takes out the gel and does it without me saying a word. Quality.
So I get out of there and I want a drink (since its been at least an hour since my last Diet Coke). I go into the little campus convenience store and they actually had 1 liters of Diet Coke. Luckily for me, I have been on a winning streak (the year of the catheter) and I had 2 free 1 liter caps in my pocket. Now for the moment of truth.
Me: "I have one of these caps."
Checkout Lady: "Ok."
Me: (walking out without paying, amazed, speechless)
Oh my god! It worked. It felt like I was robbing the place. Now I just have to go up there every time I win one of these free Cokes.
That was my eventful morning. Now I just have 3 hours until my next class and 8 1/2 hours until I go home.
Seacrest OUT!
No wonder my fantasy team (in DC) sucked
vick
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0405051vick1.html
Michael Vick Hit With Sex Suit
Woman claims star NFL quarterback passed along herpes in 2003
APRIL 5--Claiming that Michael Vick gave her herpes, a Georgia woman is suing the star NFL quarterback for negligence and battery. According to the below lawsuit, Sonya Elliot, a 26-year-old health care worker, was infected with the sexually transmitted disease in April 2003 after an unprotected encounter with Vick at the athlete's Duluth, Georgia home. Elliott alleges that after testing positive for Herpes Simplex 2, she confronted the Atlanta Falcons star, 24, about her condition. "I've got something to tell you. I've got it," Vick admitted to her, according to Elliott's State Court complaint, which alleges that Vick then told her that "he had not known how to tell her about his condition, and that it was not something that he liked to talk about." Elliott's complaint also contends that Vick "apologized profusely" for not telling her he was infected with the STD. Elliot's lawsuit alleges that Vick has used the name "Ron Mexico" and, in a related court filing, her lawyers are seeking Vick's admission that he used the "Mexico" alias--and perhaps other fake names--"for the purpose of herpes testing and/or treatment." In her lawsuit, Elliott states that she met Vick at a Virginia Beach nightclub in May 2001 and, shortly thereafter, began a close personal relationship with the football star (though the couple did not have sex until late-2002). Last December, Vick, the top overall pick in the 2001 National Football League draft, signed a ten-year, $130 million contract with the Falcons, the richest deal in league history. (17 pages)
Ron Mexico? He couldn't come up with a better name than that? At least have a plausible last name. It actually sounds like what my porn name would have been when I lived in New York: Steve Amsterdam.
Note to Mike Vick: All representations in this post are based on rumors and are made purely in jest.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
The Tradition Begins: Tuesday Treat
I am hereby instituting a new feature on my blog: the Tuesday Random Entry from Another Topic (or Tuesday TREAT, for short). I know its really from another blog, not topic, but you try thinking of something that beings with T and describes a blog. The rules of this game are that I will hit the "nextblog" button on the top of the page and post some random entry from that blog on my site. Sure, its a lazy way to update, but hopefully a good time will be had by all anyway. Away we go...
This one comes to us courtesy of www.lifeofsextus.blogspot.com.
Stulte Aprilis
I came downstairs this morning to find that the kitchen had been flooded. Apparently, Molly had been trying to reach a morsel of dog food that was stuck behind the washing machine, and had managed to pull one of the water pipes out while lunging for it. Daisy's bed, complete with bemused dog, was carried into the hall by the initial surge of water. Molly is shaken by her experience but a lot cleaner for it.
My brother has been hogging the computer again but at the moment he's gone to Gloucester for a meeting of the Gloucestershire Amateur Yodelling Society (the G.A.Y.S.) which is run by the renowned American opera singer and yodeller, Bat Guano. In the meantime, the bad weather has gone and wildlife is reappearing after the rainstorms of the past days (Midlands Today reports that traffic chaos is ensuing in Great Morecombe because of an "unusually large swan" in the road).
Finally, this evening we are going to the Cookeses's house-warming party. As presents, we're going to give them:
1 blue portaloo (the latest in sanitation fasion)
3 hand-knitted socks (three in case one goes missing in the wash)
1 T-80 Main Battle Tank, ex-Red Army (for Jon)
6,482,654,198,317 small yellow plastic ducks (a traditional gift in this part of Leckhampton)
This one comes to us courtesy of www.lifeofsextus.blogspot.com.
Stulte Aprilis
I came downstairs this morning to find that the kitchen had been flooded. Apparently, Molly had been trying to reach a morsel of dog food that was stuck behind the washing machine, and had managed to pull one of the water pipes out while lunging for it. Daisy's bed, complete with bemused dog, was carried into the hall by the initial surge of water. Molly is shaken by her experience but a lot cleaner for it.
My brother has been hogging the computer again but at the moment he's gone to Gloucester for a meeting of the Gloucestershire Amateur Yodelling Society (the G.A.Y.S.) which is run by the renowned American opera singer and yodeller, Bat Guano. In the meantime, the bad weather has gone and wildlife is reappearing after the rainstorms of the past days (Midlands Today reports that traffic chaos is ensuing in Great Morecombe because of an "unusually large swan" in the road).
Finally, this evening we are going to the Cookeses's house-warming party. As presents, we're going to give them:
1 blue portaloo (the latest in sanitation fasion)
3 hand-knitted socks (three in case one goes missing in the wash)
1 T-80 Main Battle Tank, ex-Red Army (for Jon)
6,482,654,198,317 small yellow plastic ducks (a traditional gift in this part of Leckhampton)
Return of the Boom Bap
Its back (in a big way). The Senators jacket made its triumphant return for its 10th consecutive year today.
Monday, April 04, 2005
One Shining Moment
Thank you Raymond Felton! Courtesy of you hitting your last two free throws, UNC scored 75 points, which means that Million Dollar Booby and I tied for points scored by the winner (me with 79 and him with 71), thus going to the second tiebreaker: points for the losing team. Well, Illinois scored 70. Booby had 66 (pretty close), but I had 71. Catheter Man finally gets some dap! 2nd place in the NCAA Tournament Pool 2005!
The Year of the Catheter continues!
The Year of the Catheter continues!
Ramblings II
Since my first installment of Ramblings was so popular, I decided to bring it back for a little something I like to call: Ramblings II. Enjoy.
--Why does the crotch of my jeans wear out way before the rest of the jeans do? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they get washed maybe 4 times every six months. Or maybe they just can't handle the weight of my junk. The world may never know.
--If I ever get enough money to buy a house, the first upgrade I'm going to make is to install a laundry room. Not just a washer and dryer. I'm talking at least 3 washers and 2 dryers. I'm much too lazy to do my laundry in innings.
--The only thing that makes the nearly insufferable waiting time (caused by 2 or more people trying to check out at once) at CVS manageable is their awesome soundtrack. Yes, I like easy listening music. You wanna fight about it?
--If a retarded person plays golf, how do you ask them what their handicap is?
--I don't think its humanly possible to eat chips and salsa without getting one drop on your clothes.
--Why is it that the people who are the most outwardly religious (aka bible-thumpers) are always the biggest liars, theifs, and cheats?
--Why do people stop right before they get on escalators so that they can time their grand entrance? They give you about a 6 foot buffer zone that is flat, moron. Its not like you're playing Frogger.
--When did we officially stop having jungles and start having rain forests?
--As far as I'm concerned, the Monday after we "spring forward" 1 hour should be a national holiday. You wind up staying up an hour later than normal on Saturday night because of the time change and then you are all messed up on Sunday, which leads to trying to rectify the situation Monday, but you essentially have to wake up an hour earlier than normal.
--You know baseball is a terribly run sport when for the first time in my lifetime, DC has a team and I still don't care (since they have no chance to make the playoffs). Also, congratulations to Alex Sanchez for officially becoming a historical footnote.
--Speaking of terribly run sports, does anyone outside of Canada, Detroit, and Colorado even miss hockey?
--I think Right Said Fred was right. He is too sexy for his cat.
--Why does the crotch of my jeans wear out way before the rest of the jeans do? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they get washed maybe 4 times every six months. Or maybe they just can't handle the weight of my junk. The world may never know.
--If I ever get enough money to buy a house, the first upgrade I'm going to make is to install a laundry room. Not just a washer and dryer. I'm talking at least 3 washers and 2 dryers. I'm much too lazy to do my laundry in innings.
--The only thing that makes the nearly insufferable waiting time (caused by 2 or more people trying to check out at once) at CVS manageable is their awesome soundtrack. Yes, I like easy listening music. You wanna fight about it?
--If a retarded person plays golf, how do you ask them what their handicap is?
--I don't think its humanly possible to eat chips and salsa without getting one drop on your clothes.
--Why is it that the people who are the most outwardly religious (aka bible-thumpers) are always the biggest liars, theifs, and cheats?
--Why do people stop right before they get on escalators so that they can time their grand entrance? They give you about a 6 foot buffer zone that is flat, moron. Its not like you're playing Frogger.
--When did we officially stop having jungles and start having rain forests?
--As far as I'm concerned, the Monday after we "spring forward" 1 hour should be a national holiday. You wind up staying up an hour later than normal on Saturday night because of the time change and then you are all messed up on Sunday, which leads to trying to rectify the situation Monday, but you essentially have to wake up an hour earlier than normal.
--You know baseball is a terribly run sport when for the first time in my lifetime, DC has a team and I still don't care (since they have no chance to make the playoffs). Also, congratulations to Alex Sanchez for officially becoming a historical footnote.
--Speaking of terribly run sports, does anyone outside of Canada, Detroit, and Colorado even miss hockey?
--I think Right Said Fred was right. He is too sexy for his cat.
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