Golden Globe Preview

Since I have nothing better to do today and I haven't posted in a while, I decided to make a Golden Globe Awards Preview post. Admittedly, I have never watched the Golden Globes, I probably haven't seen 95% of the movies nominated, and I absolutely hate awards shows. So this should be pretty accurate. So sit back, get your industrial sized popcorn, and enjoy the post.

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

a. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
b. THE CONSTANT GARDENER
c. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
d. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
e. MATCH POINT

Ok, I haven't seen any of these and I have never even heard of 2 of them. Clearly not a good year for movies. I am suprised that Walk The Line didn't get nominated. Ray for rednecks got screwed. And for the record, I'm not ever going to see Brokeback Mountain. It isn't because I'm homophobic (who is scared of gay people). Its because I am so secure in my sexuality that I don't have to go see some crappy love story that I never would have seen if it was a straight couple just to prove that I am down with the butt pirates. All that being said, Brokeback Mountain still wins because I just have no idea about the others.


2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

a. MARIA BELLO
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
b. FELICITY HUFFMAN
TRANSAMERICA
c. GWYNETH PALTROW
PROOF
d. CHARLIZE THERON
NORTH COUNTRY
e. ZIYI ZHANG
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

Easiest pick on the board. Charlize Theron made herself ugly to play this role, so she automatically wins. Its the male equivalent of playing a tard in a movie. And no, I didn't see any of these flicks.

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

a. RUSSELL CROWE
CINDERELLA MAN
b. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN
CAPOTE
c. TERRENCE HOWARD
HUSTLE & FLOW
d. HEATH LEDGER
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
e. DAVID STRATHAIRN
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK

I really want to go with Philip Seymour Hoffman in this one, but the field is too strong. Since I didn't actually see any of these performances, I'm going to go with Heath Ledger to win because much like Chicago winning a ton of Oscars, Brokeback Mountain could ensure that the movie industry becomes even gayer in the next few years.

4. BEST MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

a. MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
Heyman Hoskins Prods.; The Weinstein Company
b. PRIDE & PREJUDICE
Working Title Prods.; Focus Features/StudioCanal
c. THE PRODUCERS
Brooksfilms; Universal Pictures/Columbia Pictures
d. THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
American Empirical/Peter Newman – Internal; Samuel Goldwyn Films/Sony Pictures Releasing International
e. WALK THE LINE
Twentieth Century Fox; Twentieth Century Fox

This category really pisses me off. First of all, there are no comedies represented. I know the producers is probably funny, but its a musical. And why does comedy have to share a category with musical? Making something that is truly funny is so much harder than, say, remaking King Kong for the third time, or making a musical into a movie. Anyway, enough of my rant. This is a tough call with The Producers and Walk The Line. I'm going with The Producers because it is a musical and a comedy. The funniest thing in Walk the Line was when I farted pretty loudly halfway through it.

5. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

a. JUDI DENCH
MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
b. KEIRA KNIGHTLEY
PRIDE & PREJUDICE
c. LAURA LINNEY
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
d. SARAH JESSICA PARKER
THE FAMILY STONE
e. REESE WITHERSPOON
WALK THE LINE

This is an easy one also. We have the classic token British actress. We have a horseface. And then we have baboon face. Reese Witherspoon in a walk.

6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE -MUSICAL OR COMEDY

a. PIERCE BROSNAN
THE MATADOR
b. JEFF DANIELS
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
c. JOHNNY DEPP
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
d. NATHAN LANE
THE PRODUCERS
e. CILLIAN MURPHY
BREAKFAST ON PLUTO
f. JOAQUIN PHOENIX
WALK THE LINE

This is a tough one. So many names. I think that if The Producers is going to win best musical or comedy, then the voters will give this one to Joaquin Phoenix.

7. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

a. KUNG FU HUSTLE (CHINA)
b. MASTER OF THE CRIMSON ARMOR aka THE PROMISE (CHINA)
c. JOYEUX NOEL (MERRY CHRISTMAS) (FRANCE)
d. PARADISE NOW (PALESTINE)
e. TSOTSI (SOUTH AFRICA)

I'm tempted to go with Kung Fu Hustle, but I don't think a kung fu movie would ever win an award, so I'm going with Tsotsi, in the hope that I hear that name as often as I heard Thoth. Thoth!

8. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

a. SCARLETT JOHANSSON
MATCH POINT
b. SHIRLEY MacLAINE
IN HER SHOES
c. FRANCES McDORMAND
NORTH COUNTRY
d. RACHEL WEISZ
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
e. MICHELLE WILLIAMS
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Again, since I didn't actually see any of these films, I'm going to go with my instinct that voters like to shake it up with the supporting actress category. That is why I'm picking Rachel Weisz even though I don't even know who she is.

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

a. GEORGE CLOONEY
SYRIANA
b. MATT DILLON
CRASH
c. WILL FERRELL
THE PRODUCERS
d. PAUL GIAMATTI
CINDERELLA MAN
e. BOB HOSKINS
MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS

As much as I'd love to see Will Ferrell win this award and as much as I think Paul Giamatti might get it because he didn't get anything for Sideways, I'm going with Clooney. I actually did see Crash, but I didn't even remember that Matt Dillon was in it until just now.

10. BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE

a. WOODY ALLEN
MATCH POINT
b. GEORGE CLOONEY
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
c. PETER JACKSON
KING KONG
d. ANG LEE
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
e. FERNANDO MEIRELLES
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
f. STEVEN SPIELBERG
MUNICH

There's no way Clooney wins for directing, right? That puts Ang Lee, Peter Jackson, and Spielberg in a tight race for this one. Voters usually like to give one film a ton of awards and I think that is going to be Brokeback Mountain this year. So Ang Lee, practice your acceptance speech.

Those are about all the awards that people care about and I don't feel like writing any more, so thats all folks.