As fritter away the hours that make up the dull day at work, I get pretty bored. This might be due. in part, to the fact that they don't really have enough work to keep my occupied for 8 full hours and the work that they do give me, I would probably be able to finish in 1/5 of the time if the database was not online and the computers weren't slower than Apple IIe's. In any event, if someone is having a conversation, I like to listen to them because everyone else who works there lives in such a different world from me. Here are some things I've heard.
"Oh my god. U Street was just flooded with lesbians on Saturday."
"I had dried lotion on my face. It looked like something else."
"I think these protein drinks I've been taking are making me weird."
"I only had to wake up to go pee pee once (last night)."
"I'm turning into a bitter, suspicious old queen."
"Its so hard to be a fag sometimes (describing decorating problems)."
"Have you been peeing on each other?"
"Maybe thats why you don't have a Valentine. You should start going commando."
"He's not gay. He's just Canadian."
"Michael Jordan and Phil Collins messed that boy up (talking about Kwame Brown)."
"I was dating a chick that left me for [redacted sports star]. From one fag to another."
"I'm a 40 year-old gay man. How do I know about girly tweens?"
"Palm Springs is like the Rehoboth of LA. All the homos go there on the weekends."
"I met someone, but my heart is with someone else.
Your heart is with Jesus?
No!
Oh well, I tried."
So, as you can see. I am slowly losing my mind at work. But at least I'm laughing all the way to the crazy house.
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