5 Guys

Today I went to my girlfriend's office to hang out for
part of the day because due to my unemployable status,
I don't get out much. This means that I am usually at
home all day playing with the dog and waiting for
emails from employers that never come. The best part
of girlfriend's office is that its near a Five Guys.

So I went to 5 guys for lunch and ordered a hamburger
with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and jalapeno peppers.
One great thing about 5 guys is that they have a huge
box of peanuts in the shell for people to eat while
they are waiting. You all should remember how I feel
about those with peanut allergies (they deserve to
die), so I love this statement of defiance. I love
peanuts in the shell. You know what my favorite is?
When you get that little retarded peanut that is all
shriveled up and tastes like pure dirt. That is the best.

Anyway, after I eat my peanuts and go up to the
counter to wait for my order, I get it and take it
back to the office (girlfriend's partner was not there
today because she's at some Jesus convention learning
how to lie more effectively). I get back to the office
and flare my nostrils in olfactory anticipation for
the smorgasbord of triglycerides I'm about to consume
when I notice something seriously wrong with my
burger. There are no onions and no jalapeno peppers.
What the fuck? Its not like it was busy in there and
the guy at the counter got overwhelmed. Its not like I
had an unusual or unnecessarily large order. Easy.
Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, hot peppers. I'm so pissed
about this. I could have easily fixed this and treated
the people that work there like mental defectives had
I eaten at the restaurant, but now that I'm at the
office, its not worth it to go all the way back.

I worked in the food service industry (delivering
pizza and working at the counter of a pizza place for
2 weeks until the owner had my friend fire me and my
otehr friend for, amongst other reasons, being "too
fucking tall.") Taking and delivering a correct order
is not that hard. I'm sure I did it high off my ass
many times. The morons at 5 guys didn't even look like
they were on any kind of drugs. And yet, I'm sure its
people like this that are getting the jobs that I
apply for. There's no pride anymore. I blame it on the
American Corporation separating the average joe (not
Mesh or Holcman) so far from the decision making and
the opportunity for advancement that nobody cares
anymore. Thats why I'm moving to Samoa.