John Cusack must be stopped!

If there is one actor who has continuously worked against modern man, its Hugh Grant. But he's British, so he doesn't count. One man has sabotaged his bretheren into having to see some of the worst movies ever created... romantic "comedies." His name is John Cusack and he must be stopped.

I am herebly imploring all men to institute the John Cusack Rule. It states: If, in the event I go to the movies with a member of the opposite sex, and I am forced into seeing what may be considered a "date movie," I will not see any movie wherein John Cusack has top billing because I have a penis and testicles, and therefore cannot possible enjoy said movie. Men the world over have joined me in this pledge, not because we hate John Cusack persay, but because we hate the movies he makes. If you can't remember this pledge, you should print it out and keep it in your wallet in case of a Cusack emergency.

It is a shame that Mr. Cusack has lost all male credibility. As a young actor, he was in some funny stuff. Here is a timeline of his movie career with comments by me: Major F'ing Star.

Class (1983) .... Roscoe Maibaum
Never saw this one, but its hs first movie so he probably didn't have much of a part. So, needless to say, its probably not a romantic "comedy."

Sixteen Candles (1984) .... Bryce
I didn't really ever see this one either. Is this the one with Long Duck Dong? Either way, you have to respect a movie with a stereotypical 80's Asian foreign exchange student. We have to bring that era back. This is every girl's favorite 80's movie. This is where Cusack probably saw what his core audience could be... and liked it.

Stand by Me (1986) .... Denny Lachance
Best movie ever. Amount Cusack is in...about 3 minutes. Coincidence? I think not. By the way, I'm skipping some of the movies he's done that I don't know. Its just easier that way.

One Crazy Summer (1986) .... Hoops McCann
Is this the movie with Demi Moore and Bobcat Goldthwait where they build that boat? What a weird fucking flick. Never really saw it. That means that I have probably seen bits and pieces of it on HBO and Comedy Central over the years, but was never really interested enough to watch the whole thing in one sitting.

Broadcast News (1987) (as John Cusak) .... Angry Messenger
I think this one was supposed to be a good movie, and seeing as how Cusack probably had a small part (angy messenger), I wouldn't doubt it.

Eight Men Out (1988) .... Buck Weaver
Have I seen any John Cusack movies? Even a baseball movie with him in it keeps me away from the theater. Again, I heard this one was good but never really saw it.

Tapeheads (1988) .... Ivan Alexeev
This was one of those movies that you used to pass in the video store about 20 times when you were in high school and said to yourself, "self, maybe I should check that one out" but then saw a copy of Porky's Revenge and looked at that instead. Oh, and I never saw this one either.

Say Anything... (1989) .... Lloyd Dobler
Girls, get your fingering fingers ready... Say Anything! Chicks love this movie. I, of course, haven't seen it. In fact, if you are a guy and you have seen this movie, you should probably go to the restroom right now and check to see if you have a penis. You may have had one on the way into the theater, but I bet it shriveled up and fell of by the time this one was over. The only thing I know about this movie is that Cusack plays a pussy who holds a boom box over his head for his girl.

The Grifters (1990) .... Roy Dillon
Its getting to be kind of rediculous. I haven't seen this one either, but I know the title. I'm guessing it was boring.

True Colors (1991) .... Peter Burton
Didn't see it.

Bob Roberts (1992) .... Cutting Edge Host
Didn't see it.

The Road to Wellville (1994) .... Charles Ossining
Now we're getting somewhere. I actually saw this one. Any movie where someone has to crap in a baking pan is on my short list. Regardless of that, this was a fucking strange movie that Cusack didn't make any better or worse.

City Hall (1996) .... Deputy Mayor Kevin Calhoun
Didn't see it.

Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) .... Martin Q. Blank
I saw parts of this one, but I think the double Cusack billing creeped me out and made me not want to watch it. Some people really liked this movie. I can't say I was one of them.

Con Air (1997) .... U.S. Marshal Vince Larkin
The last of the Mohicans is burning! Dave Chappelle's breakout role. Solid cast in this one. But could they have casted a worse US Marshal than Cusack? Maybe Stephen Hawking.

Anastasia (1997) (voice) .... Dimitri
A Disney movie that nobody saw. Thats pretty hard to accomplish. Kudos!

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997) .... John Kelso
Wasn't this based on a book? Thats all I know about it because I didn't see it.

The Thin Red Line (1998) .... Captain John Gaff
This movie was hilarious. Martin Lawrence was great in it. Oh wait, that was The Thin Blue Line. This was a Viet Nam movie that nobody liked.

Pushing Tin (1999) .... Nick Falzone
A movie about air traffic controllers... sweet. In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.

Cradle Will Rock (1999) .... Nelson Rockefeller
Didn't see it.

Being John Malkovich (1999) .... Craig Schwartz
Finally. It took Charlie Kaufman to make Cusack respectable again. Great movie, if only for how friggin weird it was.

High Fidelity (2000) .... Rob Gordon
Here's another movie where Cusack plays a pussy, but it was entertaining because of Jack Black.

America's Sweethearts (2001) .... Eddie Thomas
The title alone was enough to make me not want to see this one.

Serendipity (2001) .... Jonathan Trager
I saw this on a plane. I have never wanted to be in a firey plane crash more than when I was watching this garbage.

Runaway Jury (2003) .... Nicholas Easter
This one is on HBO all the time now. Even though I usually like the Grisham stuff, Cusak makes this movie so boring that I have never been able to sit all the way through it.

And finally,

Must Love Dogs (2005) .... Jake
If there is a guy whose girlfriend hasn't said, "that looks good," I'd like to meet her. This one just makes me angry when I see the ads. Come on John, you're not even trying anymore.

As you can see, John Cusack once had a promising career ahead of him. Some of his early movies were pretty good and he's made some decent choices in the recent past, but as a career, he's made some of the worst movies out there. To me, the term "Romantic Comedy" means one thing: not funny. It is because of these movies and hs overall portfolio that I am instituting the John Cusack Rule. Men everywhere are free to join me. He must be stopped.