Give a Mexican an inch and they'll take a nap

Chipotle is the worst-run "restaurant" of all time. I used to eat it a lot, but now I rarely partake in the deuce-inspiring food due to their constant line from about 6pm to closing. The problem (other than the whole Neil Weisman two day early fiasco) is that the place is totally staffed by Mexicans and thus, run completely inefficiently and slowly. That may be fine for a massage parlor with happy endings, but not for an eating establishment in America. My experience today is an all too familiar one.

I walk in at about 6 pm. There are only about 4 people in line, all but one has ordered already. The woman in front of me orders her meal and the trainee gets to it. I already know what I want to get because I only rarely stray from the old Barbacoa Fajita Burrito. Trainee finally finishes pressing the tortilla and puts in the chicken and slides it over to stereotypical mexican woman. Now I'm up.

I say, "barbacoa fajita please." I knew it would be bad immediately, when she asked, "burrito?" Of course I want a fucking burrito. Thats all you fucking sell! Don't you think that if I wanted something other than what 90% of your customers get, I would have said that? After politely saying yes, she presses my tortilla and beings putting the fillings in my burrito. Rice: very skimpy. Onions and Peppers: a good amount. Meat: solid. I would have been pissed about the rice, but since they definitely haven't taught her to get cheap on people with the meat yet, I was happy with the overall construction of my burrito so far. As she prepared to slide it over to the second person on the assembly line (Henry Ford would have been so proud), I hear the unmistakable loud-talking banter of what could only be tourists.

"YOU KNOW, THEY'RE OWNED BY MCDONALD'S!" Oh great. Hopefully I can get out of here before these people start talking more. "SHE WANTS TWO SMALL QUESADILLAS WITH CHICKEN." That one startled even me. The menu in this place is about four lines long. Not one of them even remotely resembles the word "quesadillas." Trainee is clearly flustered and has to ask stereotypical Mexican woman if thats even possible, while she still has not started putting salsa on my burrito. "YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ALL KINDS OF SPECIAL REQUESTS." Dear lord, please let me die right now.

Trainee goes back to her station for about 5 seconds before returning to stereotypical Mexican woman and asking her something else. At this point, SMW leaves my burrito sitting naked and open on the counter to go work on the order of the people BEHIND ME! It seriously took her about two full minutes to try and figure out what these idiots wanted and I was about a second away from reaching over the counter and putting the salsa on myself (they never give you enough corn).

After she finally puts my shit together, she slides the burrito over to the cashier, or where the cashier should be. I have to wait another minute or two for Paco to get off his ass and get back to the register. I think he only came back because the phone was ringing. So he picks up the phone and answers it, has a conversation with one of the two employees that are sitting down and eating, and then finally decides its time to ring me up.

By now, the quesadillas have made it over next to my burrito. They are in the plastic bowl that signifies that they will be eaten in the restaurant. Not done confusing people for the evening, the quesadillas strike again. Paco starts putting my burrito in a bowl and begins handling the quesadillas, trying to figure out what the hell they are and how to charge someone for them. By this point I am so aggrivated (remember, there was one person in front of me to begin with. I thought I would fly through there) that I say, "No. Just that. (pointing at the burrito). To go. And a soda. He finally gets it right, I pay and go over to the soda/napkin table.

I was so angry at this point that I knew I would at least be filling up my bag with napkins to last for the next six months to make up for the crap-ass customer service at this place. I also wanted to take a bottle of Tabasco sauce because I am running dangerously low and they need to be disciplined. Of course, a cop shows up in the back of the line at some point during the previous ten minutes and I couldn't even do that.

Chipotle really is the worst place ever. I knew that more than 2 people ahead of you in line would take at least 15 minutes. I knew that someone ordering two burritos in front of you would add at least 10 minutes to your wait. But I never knew that someone ordering from outside the menu BEHIND you could add more time to an already grueling wait. So I'm not going to Chipotle ever again unless there is nobody else in the whole restaurant. If I wanted to spend 30 minutes watching someone do the Mexican hat dance, I'd go to Tiajuana. At least there you can buy steroids and see a proper Donkey Show.