Football Picks: Back in a big way

Well, after my 4-0 start in college football, I'm back down to 4-2 due to a tough week where Michigan actually beat up on someone. For this reason, the Michigan game is not in my picks this week. But I will stay with the Big Ten (for one pick).

College Picks (0-2) last week, (4-2) for the year

Iowa @ Ohio State (-7) -- This should be a great game, but I don't think Iowa can win at the Horseshoe just yet. The only question is if the game is going to be close up until the end (OSU winning by a field goal). I'll put my money on the Ohio State dickheads to win by a TD at least.

Wyoming (+3) @ Mississippi -- I have no idea about either of these teams, but I'm playing a hunch that the doo doo pee pee uniforms of Wyoming will distract Ole Miss enough to allow for a Cowboy win.


NFL Picks (8-7-1) last week, (12-19-1) for the year

Jaguars (+2.5) @ Jets -- the Jags D looks good and I think they can beat the Jets even if Leftwich is hurt. I say that the Jags win this game even if Lord Byron plays with a peg leg. If he doesn't, Garrard is underrated as a backup. Furthermore, Lav Coles was molested. I'm not saying he's gay. I'm just saying he New York does happen to be the musical theater capital of the US.

Titans @Rams (-6.5) -- The Rams always play well at home and I am playing against Steven Jackson in my fantasy league this week. This spells trouble for the Titans. Another reason to root against the Titans was that girl from my Sports Law class. You know the type, the girl who knows about sports, but has to overcompensate for her lack of a penis by being an annoying beeyatch and trying to impress everybody in the world with her sports knowledge. She liked the Titans.

Oakland @ Eagles (-8) -- Moss v. T.O.: pretty even. Jordan v. Westbrook: pretty even. Collins v. McNabb: not as even. Raiders D v. Eagles D.: even less even. Norville Turner v. Andy Reid: a complete mismatch. I hate to bet against the Raiders with such a huge spread, but Norv will stop at nothing to ruin a team.

Bengals (-3) @ BEARS -- I am officially on the Bengals bandwagon. I love the big 3 on offense and their defense is pretty good even though I can't name a single player on that side of the ball other than TKO Spikes. I am just as impressed with the Bears defense this season, but the offense can't keep up with the Bengals if they get ahead.

Saints (+4) @ Vikings -- The Saints looked good in week 1 and bad in week 2. This is a bounce back week for them because they are playing the Vikings and I have this theory: Mike Tice is an idiot. I'm not sure how this guy ever became a head coach, but its time for the Tice era to end. Losing Burleson isn't going to help either.

Panthers (-3) @ Dolphins -- Stephen Davis is still healthy, so I'm going with Carolina. Their defense should be able to shut down Dollar Dollar Gus Frerotte.

Browns (+13.5) @ Colts -- The Colts will win this game, but the spread is too big for me to go against the Browns. Of course, watch this be the game that Manning throws for 6 TDs and my whole reasoning will be shot.

Falcons (+3) @ Bills -- The Bills offense has been inept the past two weeks. I don't see much changing against a very good Falcons D.

Bucs (-3.5) @ Packers -- I traded in my Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac, you ought to know by now... the Pack is done.

Cardinals @ Seahawks (-6) -- The lack of a rushing attack is going to hurt the Cards in this shootout.

Patriots (+3) @ Steelers -- This should be the best game of the week, if only because of the Pats and Steelers fans. They were the two biggest jersey-wearing contingents at the bar last week. I'd love to see them duke it out.


Cowboys (-6.5) @ 49ers -- The Cowboys are going to be pissed. This should be the second week in a row that San Francisco takes it up the fartbox. Alex Smith should be starting by next week.

Giants @ Chargers (-6) -- As little as I like the Chargers, someone has to prove what a fraud the Giants are. We can't have another year where the Giants suck and wind up going to the Superbowl. That would be so depressing. Especially since they were given the gift of an extra home game in the worst case of New York-centrism since David Stern rigged the first lottery so that the Knicks could get Patrick Ewing.

Chiefs (+3) @ Broncos -- Come on, the Chiefs are getting 3 points?