Red, White, and Catheter: A Sesquicentennial of Suckitude

Well, its official. I have just applied for my 150th - 154th jobs. This gets me thinking. Maybe I should change my plan. Whatever I'm doing is obviously not working. So here it is: I want an extreme makeover (home edition). I deserve it. At least an Oprah home makeover.

I talked to my mother about this whole job hunting fiasco and I said that this country sucks because her generation ruined it (think about the Enrons, Worldcoms, etc... there's always some 55 year old schmuck with a platinum and diamond encrusted stapler behind the whole thing). Anyway, I'm not sure what I expected her to say, but she comes out of nowhere with, "I think its because they let all these immigrants in." Then she did her best Axl Rose impression and belted out, "Immigrants and faggots... they make no sense to meeeeeeee! They come to this country... or spread some fucking diseeeeeeeeeeease!"

Well, that last part never happened, but she did hate on immigrants for some reason. I thought all jews had to give immigrants a lifetime pass because we were all trudging through Ellis Island at one point or another. By the way, fuck you Ellis Island for not giving me a shorter and easier to spell name.