Diet Coke, Eggwiches, and poop

I think I may be addicted to Diet Coke. I know what you are thinking: "Three posts today? What up wit dat?" Well, I told you I am bored in class and in an effort to get my readership up, I am vowing to write more. This may actually allow me to become a better writer. Also, I am procrastinating from (about?) doing my real estate paper, which, if I turned in right now I might receive comments such as:
"Did you copy this out of the textbook?"
"Are you sure you are not retarded?"
"I have hated you since you were 5 years old, that's why you were banned from my house!"
So there's that.

Back to the Diet Coke. I have been into the diet coke for a few years now. Ever since I began my diet kick (e.g. when I actually learned how to control my food intake) sophomore year of college, I decided to not drink regular coke anymore. I remember hating diet coke when I drank regular, but now it seems fine. Anyway, back then I weighed a mean, obese 225, which would have been quite svelte if I was 7'2". Howver, since I'm 5'10 (I always say 5'11 because I like the way it sounds) I was a fat fuck with man boobs. So with the help of Synonymous' diet plan (one of the first people to use Atkins [this was in 1996]), I lost 50 lbs in about 2 months or so. I kicked my body's ass.

After I went to a wedding on President's Day, I decided that I was sick of looking fat in pictures and being fat in general. I have a good frame, so I can carry the extra weight pretty well (I have also been sucking in my gut for nearly 20 years), but I wanted to just be done with the whole fatness phase of my life. So I am on this diet which I think hase let me lose approximately 20 lbs since then (give or take).

So, my diet is basically: eat as few calories as possible. This is not as hard as it seems and if Randy Jackson, Al Roker, and Carnie Wilson can do it with the help of a gastrointerologist, I figure I can do it without one. Diet Coke lets me drink as much as I want without calories, so I have been drinking it a lot.

Now they have this contest (not the Mountain Dew NCAA contest which should have its own post dedicated to it) where they say that 1 in 12 diet cokes wins a free coke product. I figured this was pretty sweet, since I drink diet coke anyway and I've been waiting for a contest like this for years. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I must have had 50 diet cokes and I have only won twice. Both times I have won a free 1 liter coke product. This seems all fine and good, but there are two major problems:
1) nobody carries 1 liter products
2) nobody takes the caps as payment if you can actually find a 1 liter

This is the best scam ever, you run contests where nobody has the obligation to follow the rules! Have I mentioned the fact that I hate when people don't follow the rules? Anyway, this whole diet coke contest is a scam, but I'll continue to drink it anyway because I think dying from cancer is better than living as a fatass.
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On a side note, I went off the diet a little today in an effort to try and force my body to shit. As I have already posted, its been a long, dry week (which is good because the last shits felt like I had a super soaker in my ass and may have given me astroids). So I went to Bagel City and got my traditional eggwich deluxe with turkey sausage and swiss cheese. Normally, the breakfast sandwich is the best way to clear the pipes, so I'll try it. We'll see if it works.