My Arse Kills

Right now, my ass feels like a bag of ricotta cheese in a plastic bag that has been stepped on by a football team wearing cleats, if you know what I mean. It was kind of hurting two days ago, when I had what was the equivalent of the Mexican water shits about 5 times in 1 hour. Yesterday, that only happened once, but I went to the opening of this new restaurant and was forced to stand for about 5 hours straight, which didn't help. So now its 6:45 in the AM (for those of you who are licking, thats WBALLS) and I'm sitting here typing for whoever looks at this site (I'm actually not sure if anyone does because I can't seem to find a way to put a counter on it).

So I'm not really sure if I have astroids of what, but my ass feels like a freaking Whitesnake concert. I don't really know what that last sentence meant, but it sounded funny in my head. I think I need to invest in some baby wipes, or at least take a sitz bath. Thats probably what I'll do after I go back to sleep and wake up again. Luckily, since it is sping break (wooo hooo!), I can do that. Come to think of it, I could do that anyway because I don't have class on Fridays. Some might say I'm like Fat Albert in that way (and that I'm a big fat black guy who always wears a red sweater and plays the radiator in a junkyard band). Actually, I'm not black, more of a tannish, olive color but I do have quite the large endowment (not quite Harvard-sized, but more like the University of Texas --- its big. Look it up.)

But I digress. My ass feels like Larry King's face.