The wonders of the Open Bar

Last night, I had the option to go to the Taste of the Nation event. This is a showcase of local restaurants and other sponsors that is held to benefit "ending hunger." The pros for going were: it was located at a hotel around the corner from my apartment, it was free (for me), there was going to be free food, and of course free liquor and beer. Cons: 4 NCAA tournament games would be on tv that I would miss. Due to the power of free food and open bar, I was there at 6:30 for the VIP hour.

My girlfriend (who was on the committee that planned the event) signed me up as "media" in order to get the sought after orange bracelet that allowed me all access to the event. When I got in, I went straight for the roped-off VIP area to the open bar for a drink. They only had a few different kinds of liqour there (those that were sponsors), so after some deliberations, I decided this would be an Appleton Estates Rum and coke night.

After pounding my first drink, I got a second one for the road, as I was going to check out all the food booths. For those of you who have nver been to an event like this, imagine a giant conference room filled with tables featuring chefs from about 50 local restaurants you can't afford, as well as wine, beer, and liqour tables. They also had a silent auction, but nothing there was worth bidding on (that sentence sounds terible, but oh well).

Anyway, the food was an orgiastic feast for the senses. Well, at least taste and smell. I had small samples of duck quesadillas, salmon, tuna tartar, mini-burgers (you can never go wrong with mini burgers), duck dogs (I know, they finally made a hot dog out of duck!), chips and guacamole, and a few others I don't really remember. After all this eating, I needed another drink. So rather than go all the way back to the VIP area (and by "all the way back" I mean about 50 yards), I went to the Southern Comfort table, where they had all the same booze that the bar had, only with hot girls bartending.

After nearly sobbing because this reminded me of how ugly all the real bartenders in DC are, I asked one of the hotties for a rum and coke. She said that they had no mixers, but I could have rum on the rocks if I wanted. Despite never having heard of that particular drink before, I said sure and she poured me the aforementioned Appleton. At that point, I think she could have offered me a rum and cow's blood and I would have taken it.

I then met Marc Silverstein, who was emceeing the event (I hate when people spell out MC, but if I didn't then it would have looked like this: "MCing" and that just doesn't seem right). You may know him as the co-host of the Food Network show "The Best Of." The basic premise of the show is that the other host, Jill Cordes (who is smokin') gets to go to all these sweet places like Hawaii or Miami to try their local foods, while Marc (bless his heart) always winds up somewhere like Scranton, PA or Gary, IN. Marc seemed like a good guy and is one of the few tv personalities I have met that wasn't 6 inches shorter than I expected.

I wound up having 2 more rum and cokes from the hottie bar (since they got mixers at some point). These girls must have either liked me or hated me because they were probably the strongest rum and cokes I have ever had (and I consider myself a rum and coke expert). Exponentially emboldened with each sip, I decided to take these Jack Daniels temporary tattoos that they had on the table. I figured it would be pretty funny to go out one night with a bunch of people all having Jack Daniels tattoos. So I wound up taking about 50 of them.

By this time (about 9:30), we were getting ready to go to the afterparty. That's right, there was an after party (and then the hotel lobby). We went to some bar in DC near the Ritz Carlton. In order to get there, we had to pass the notorious LuLu's, which meant that I had to make fun of it for at least 5 minutes. So we get to this bar and --- it is open bar also! At least I think it was. I grabbed an Amstel light and finally got to watch some NCAA basketball. I can't believe West Virginia is in the elite 8!

After my second free(?) beer at the after party, I figured it was time to stop drinking and we left just in time to hear Salim Stoudamire kill Ok. State and my bracket on the radio. Once we got home I fell asleep (read: passed out) trying to think of ways for Ok. State to get back in the tournament somehow (and while they are at it bring Syracuse).

Normally, the story would end there, but there is a (lease) addendum. I had the strangest dreams last night. Maybe it was from the rum. Maybe it was from the raw fish. It could have even been from the duck hot dogs. Who knows, but at some point I was in an elevator with Charlize Theron, talking about the make-out scene in our upcoming movie.

The lesson: open bars lead to thinking you can not only casually talk to Charlize Theron in an elevator, but also that Jack Daniels tattoos are sweet.

That being said, who is up for going out covered in Jack Daniels tattoos tonight?