Actual Job requirements

Sorry for the delay in posting today. A couple of things contributed to this. First, I was jolted awake by the "asian jingle" ring of my cell phone at about 5:55 AM. I ignored it and went back to sleep. Then, the person called back a few minutes later. Now I'm thinking, "did somebody die or something?" My parents are both pretty psychotic, but I'm sure that they both at least realize that it is not appropriate to call someone before 6 AM for any other reason. So I go to check it and its a number I don't recognize. Now I'm pissed. Who the fuck calls someone that early?

I typed the number into google and got a name I have never heard. So I'm guessing it was a wrong number. They guy must have called me, gotten my voicemail, hung up, then decided to call back for shits and giggles just to make sure that I was indeed awake. Well, I have some news for you Muhammed Saud. You will be getting a drunken call from me at 2 AM tonight. We'll see how you like it. Oh, and please don't martyr yourself in front of my apartment.

My second problem was that I can't get on the internet using my computer at school today. Again, I have no idea why this happened today, but after about 45 minutes of trying to find viruses and restarting my computer approximately 32 times, it still didn't work. So now I'm on the school computers finally posting. Here you go...


I usually spend a good 5-10 minutes a day (at least) looking through job listings. I found one yesterday that had some unbelievable requirements. My comments are in the parentheses. Take a gander:

Necessary Tool Requirements

Telephone, Copy Machine, Facsimile Machine, Computer, Printer, Shredder (Easy enough)

Physical Requirements

Critical Physical Demands: Ability to operate a golf cart (Since when is this a physical demand?)

Occasionally 0% - 33% Frequently 34% - 66% Constantly 67% - 100% (This is apparently their highly scientific breakdown chart)

Sitting: Constantly (I can do that!)
Twisting: Occasionally (Holy crap, I'd have to twist as much as 33% of the time? I'm starting to second guess this job.)
Standing: Frequently (No way! I won't stand that much. I'm sure it can be negotiated down.)
Handling: Occasionally (What does this even mean? I'm intrigued again.)
Walking: Frequently (Didn't you mention something about a golf cart earlier?)
Weight: Ability to lift and/or move up to 50 pounds (First I'll have to stand, now I'll have to lift things?)
Reading: Constantly (Finally, Kindergarten pays off!)
Use of Fingers: Constantly (Dammit, I was hoping for one of those cushy jobs where you don't have to use your fingers.)
Reaching: Frequently (Fine, but only if it involves the golf cart.)
Horizontal Reaching: Occasionally (Good, I'm much better at vertical reaching anyway.)
Typing: Constantly (Does this mean that you put my keyboard on top of some cabinets, so I have to reach for it?)

Pretty strange requirements if you ask me.