The Bathroom Attendant

A couple of things about Peyote Cafe:

I really hate bathroom attendants. They serve absolutely no purpose and then they want you to pay them for handing you a napkin or something. I'd much rather give a dollar to a homeless crack addict because at leaste they will offer to blow you in the stairwell of a tenement building. When I go into these bar bathrooms, I'm trying not to touch anything (except my own junk) to begin with. Now you want me to touch a sink that has probably been handled by numerous lepers, at least one person with crabs, and maybe someone with ebola. Then I have to give some guy a dollar to give me paper towels? Hell no. I'd rather not wash my hands at all. I keep my undercarriage immaculately clean and I'm pretty proficient at not pissing all over my hands by now, so I don't really need to wash my hands anyway. I think the next time I see a bathroom attendant, I'm going to punch him in the back of the neck.

I am also retiring "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC from my karaoke playlist. Sorry for those of you who didn't get to see my last performance. It just wrecks my throat the next day (that's what your mom said). Anyway, unless there is some really hot girl at the bar that says, "I'd let you stick it in my pooper and slap me in the face if you sing Thunderstruck" then I'm not doing it anymore.

I spent a surprising amount of money at Peyote. I bought a round of drinks and a round of shots for 5 people and it came out to $45 with tip. If you average that out, its like $4.50 per drink (I have amazing math skills). What the fuck? I thought we were in DC, not Monaco. I think the bartender ripped me off.

I really hate the karaoke "dj" who works there. I leave more talented piles of feces in the toilet. This guy thinks he's god because he basically determines the order of who sings when. I stared him down one time because he wouldn't let me go on unless I tipped him. Its actually pretty fun to make someone extremely uncomfortable by standing right next to them and staring at them for extended periods of time. He really needs a swift kick to the groin.

Just remembered this. (Update as of 5/2/05). There was a black girl (not that it matters, but it helps to paint the picture) that sang "She's leaving home" by the Beatles. Fan-fucking-tastic. I can only describe it as being Fantasia Barino-esque. Sort of slow with a scratchy, drawn out wail to it. I'm telling you right now, if Fantasia covered "She's leaving home" the way this girl did, it would be the #1 song in the nation for at least a week. It was the best black person cover of a Beatles song that I have heard since Boyz II Men covered "Yesterday."